legends

Monday, August 11, 2008

I hate this. To add to the sadness and aggravation I'm feeling now, all 5 paragraphs I wrote earlier were erased. Argh!!

My previous entry was about positivity and its proving to be a hard thing to do. I can't make myself feel positive and I just feel so sad today. I've been sad since last week and it's been a real challenge feeling positive.

Last Saturday was our TL Kria's last shift. She'll be on terminal leave and my beloved SME Team has been dispersed to other teams.

It's official: The SME Team is now just a legend.

Saturday shift was our last shift together and it had been a great run. The team may have dispersed but the friendships we made and our bond will remain strong. It's very disheartening to think that after all we've been through, we still lost the battle.

To be honest, we have been dragging ourselves to go to work these past few months. Ever since the "big reveal" in April. We went to work and did our best hoping against hope that everything will stay as it was. To no avail. We all know that TL Kria did everything to fight for us and we certainly appreciate that. We hold no grudges that she was one of the first to leave because we know how hard it was for her. We understood and I know that she understood us too, and supported us wholeheartedly when we said we were also looking for better opportunities outside the company, where hopefully, we would be more appreciated. Where our talents and capabilities will be given importance.

Last week, I felt like there was this big, dark cloud hovering above us. That at any moment large torrents of rain would just pour over us. Even if we didn't say anything and we seemed like we were back to our normal selves, it's not the same. We laugh and joke around but if you look, really look, you'd see that the smiles never reach the eyes. If you look closely, you'd see the sadness in all of my team mates' eyes. You'll see how demoralized we feel, you'll see the hurt.

We were comforted by the fact that we were still together as one team and even that has ceased to be. Some of the SMEs have resigned, most, if not all are going to follow soon. We all volounteered to go back to production and we only had ONE request. That we'll stay as one team. Even that was not granted.

Last Saturday, time seemed so slow. An hour into the shift, JR was surprised that it has only been an hour, it felt like we've been there longer. I agreed, coz the past few days, we were actually surprised that it was time to log out already. TL Kri also commented that it felt like the night dragged on. I said, "TL, baka naman pinapatagal lang yung time na magkakasama-sama pa din tayo." Maybe it was that. Or maybe we were just wanted the day to end so badly that we felt time was slow.

Everyone wore red last Saturday. We all agreed it would be nice if everyone wore the same color but when we got there, Sofie said we looked like we were going to a rally. (KMU? :p). Hehe. It wasn't our intention when we thought of what color we're wearing, it was just the color that all of us had on our closets. But maybe its our subconcious' way of telling them we wanted to go out with a bang. I don't know. All I know is I'm going to miss everyone. Yes we'd still see each other, but it's not the same as being in one team, under one shift.

We made plans after shift, we were gonna have a despedida GA for TL Kri, but before we left we discovered something that made us feel like we were used all over again. Ang saya. And yup, I was being sarcastic.

We went to Muchos in Pasig after shift for 3 hours of videoke fun. Nothing releases stress better than beer, the company of friends and singing your hearts out. We had our own version of The Singing Bee, with Peds as our host. It was a riot! The finalists were Joan, Chie Tiu and I. Joan was the first to be eliminated and I was next (damn you avril lavigne! I would have won if I knew the lyrics to your songs by heart :p). Chie will be defending her bling-bling on our next videoke session.

Then it was time to go. We were going to sing "Thank you" to Tl Kri and we promised ourselves there will be no crying but that promise by broken. I'm sorry, I was one of the first to cry. I really tried not to. But as soon as I tried to sing I felt the tears flow. And then I heard someone sniff and then the floodgates burst. There was no way to stop the tears from falling. We weren't able to finish the song, kasi yung background parang pang-horror movie. A bell tolled during the song. Weird. So we moved to the next song, which was Through the Years. Anubeh?! Di lalong bumagsak luha ko. Our last song was With a Smile. Hay, iyakan pa din kami.

After the song, TL Kri gave her last message to us. By this time everyone was crying. Ang bigat sa dibdib, coz now it's final. Aalis na sha at magkaka-hiwahiwalay na kaming lahat. Starting Tuesday hindi na sha yung TL namin, at kahit pare-pareho schedules namin, hindi kami magkakasama. Habang nagsasalita si Kri, nagfaflashback sa isip ko yung mga adventures at misadventures ng SMEs. How we all stuck by each other through the ups and downs and how Kri was there to fight for us every time. Naalala ko yung mga trips namin nung summer, yung mga Carlo-isms, mga rebelde mode namin, kung gaano kami kakulit tuwing meetings, kung paano kami natahimik nung pinagsabihan kami ni Kri during our first rebelde moment. Madaming masasaya at malulungkot na times together. But what struck me was how we all bonded. Nakakatawa na ang pinaka-bilin sa amin ni Kri ay magpapakabait kami. Alam nya kasi na yung personalities namin, pag inagrabyado mo yung isa, kalaban mo lahat. Mabby and I were in the cab on the way home and weren't able to stop the tears again. I think that's when it hit us that we're not a team anymore. I literally felt like a zombie. We were so dazed I wasn't able to say goodbye to everyone. Mabby and I just got in the cab. We were already in EDSA when we realized that.

I felt so sad when I got home. My dad even commented on it. Mukha daw akong pinagsakluban ng mundo. My team mates and I were texting each other and everyone felt the same way. Sobrang lungkot and it felt like we lost our drive to go to work. Sana sandali lang tong feeling na to. Ang pangit kasi eh. I feel so defeated. Shyet. Kelangan ko ng chocolate ice cream. I need my comfort food.

Thanks Kri for everything you've done for us. We really appreciate it. I hope that you'll have a less stressful time where you're going. God knows kung gaano ka na-stress sa amin at sa situation natin this year. Be happy coz we're also happy for you. We're happy that you will now have peace of mind. We're sad that hiwalay na tayo pero sabi mo nga, we should all choose to be happy and not wallow in the sadness. Promise, we’ll really try to.

WITH A SMILE - Eraserheads

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
You can't win at everything but you can try.

Baby, you don't have to worry
'Coz there ain't no need to hurry
No one ever said that there's an easy way
When they're closing all their doors
And they don't want you anymore
This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway.

Girl I'll stay through the bad times
Even if I have to fetch you everyday
You'll get by with a smile
You can never be too happy in this life.

In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's the one you love can make the world go round
But dont let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

(Too doo doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo doo...)

In a world where everybody
Hates a happy ending story
It's a wonder love can make the world go round
But don't let it bring you down
And turn your face into a frown
You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way
You'll get by with a smile
Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

(Too doo doo doo...)
Let me hear you sing it
(Too doo doo doo...)

0 comments: