moving on

Saturday, August 06, 2005

My dad, my brother and I (my sister was at work), went to our neighbor's funeral this afternoon. After the funeral service, we chatted with some of our neighbors before going home. During our conversation, my brother's godmother said something that brought tears to my eyes and made me have goose-pimples at the same time.

She asked us if someone already told us what happened during the first night of the wake, which my family and I attended. We said no and asked her what it was. Then, she said that when we arrived at the wake, one of our neighbors saw mom with us. Needless to say, we were shocked.

The neighbor who apparently saw mom with us, just arrived from abroad, so she didn't know that mom had passed away two months ago. When we arrived, she saw mom holding onto dad, while my siblings and I followed them. Then she heard our neighbors seated near her say, "Sunod-sunod namatay sa atin ano? Una si Tita Lourds, tapos si Divine, ngayon naman si Beth." Bewildered and irritated that people were saying mom had died, she told them: "Ano ba kayo, bakit nyo sinasabing patay na si Divine, eh kakapasok lang niya kasama ng pamilya nya." (I can only imagine the expressions on the faces of our neighbors when she said that. :p) That was when they said, "Ay! Hindi mo ba alam? Two months nang wala si Divine." She didn't believe it at first and even said that mom was wearing white and was holding dad's arm when we arrived, that we entered the house in this order: Dad, Mom, me, my sister and my brother.

After my brother's godmother relayed that story, I couldn't say anything at first. The tears just fell but I know I was smiling. I was still a bit skeptical though.

Jennie: "Tita, maybe she thought I was mom from a distance?"
Tita Emma: "Baka nga, puti ba suot mo? Kasi puti daw ang suot ni mommy mo."
Jennie: "Uh.. itim po yung blouse na suot ko nung Monday."
So, it couldn't have been me that our neighbor saw. Which made me remember what I wrote s more than a week ago:
"It's weird though, coz when I'm at home in the living room, kitchen or dining room, it feels like mom's just quietly staying in their room. Maybe it's because a month before she passed away, mom mostly stayed there, and I got used to it...."
Maybe that's why I still feel that mom's just here - because she IS still here.

I didn't feel scared that she saw mom. On the contrary, I was touched to know that mom was still with us, but at the same time I thought she shouldn't linger anymore. That's why tonight when I say my prayers, I'll tell mom that she doesn't need to stay with us, that she should go to her next destination, coz we'll be fine. It's nice to know that she's with us, but I feel it will be better if she moves on.


Harrrumph said...

Jen, it's a good sign too na naka-puti sya :-)
Miss you... God bless you & your family always!

Jennie said...

Hi Baba! Oo nga, good sign nga daw yun. :) Miss you, too! I hope you're okay. :) TC!