healing process (pt.2)

Monday, July 04, 2005

I love sunflowers. It picks me up when I'm feeling melancholic (which, lately I have been).

It's a good thing that my computer wallpaper is the picture on the right. One look at it and I feel better. I dunno, there's just something about this picture that makes me smile.

I need my daily dose of sunflowers. :)

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It seems like an eternity since I last blogged and bloghopped. That was quite a long hiatus. :) There's just so many things to accomplish now that mom's gone, that I haven't had the time nor the inclination.

Being busy is a good thing. It keeps my mind occupied and it leaves less time for me to get depressed. I hate that feeling. And I know wherever mom is now, she hates it that I cry a lot, too.

It's easy to say that I should get on with my life, don't be depressed and move on, but in reality it's not. When I feel my tears welling up and I tell myself not to cry, my tearducts don't listen. It has a mind of it's own. :) I guess it's because keeping it all inside hurts. The more I try to stop my tears from falling, the more I feel like crying and I have difficulty breathing. But after a really good cry, I feel relieved. Not that I cry everyday, coz I really don't. It's just sometimes I see or smell something that reminds me of mom and my tear ducts go on over drive.

Most days it feels like things are back to normal, then reality sets in.

Gah! I just reread what I wrote. It sounds depressing. I need to snap out of it :)

I know, I'll share one of my favorite text joke:

"Ang aso ko mashadong bright. tanungin mo ng 2 + 2, tatahol sha ng 4. Nalaman ng neighbor ko, tinanong: "2 million plus 2 million?"

Hanggang ngayon tumatahol pa sha. Payat na sha. Please pray for him."
Hahahaha! Super funny diba?

I'm glad my friend Ellen, sent me that text message again, coz it always make me laugh.

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The first part of this post was written over two weeks ago, the next part last week. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish this post today. :)

I planned on writing about everything that transpired after mom passed away. But I realized that I'm not going to forget about it ever, so there's no need to immortalize it in writing. It will all be in my memory bank. Besides, it's still a painful subject..

I just know that mom was happy during the wake because her wishes were fulfilled. Per her request, her mortal remains were cremated a day after she died. There were lots of beautiful pink and white flowers. People were there to celebrate the extraordinary life she led.

It was very comforting to hear the wonderful stories about mom from family, friends, colleagues, clients and from people we didn't know until then. The number of people who came to her wake and funeral was a testament to how much mom was loved, and it brought smiles and comfort to us.

Ang bilis talaga ng panahon. It's been a month and a week since mom passed away. Things aren't back to normal, but at least there's a sense of normalcy in our lives. We miss mom terribly and there are still times when a little thing triggers memories of mom and I cry. But we're moving on with our lives, and I know that mom is still here to guide us. She may not be present physically, but she'll always be with us.

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