why?

Thursday, January 06, 2005

For the past few years, I've been in and out of hospitals accompanying mom for her treatments. I've seen people from all walks of life - rich, poor, tall, short, chubby, thin, healthy, sick, very sick, bratty, friendly, etc. You name it, I've seen them, conversed with them, smiled at them. But this afternoon was the first time I shed a tear.

I've been so used to the hospital environment that I can practically tell you how to get to one department to another at Makati Med, Medical City and recently. St. Luke's. I thought nothing will surprise me anymore. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Darrell, one or the radiologists called this morning to inform us that the Linear Accellerator was being fixed (again?!) and that they were going to inform later in the day if there's going to be a treatment session. By 10 am, the machine was fixed, so mom and I went to St. Luke's after lunch (so we'd arrive at her usual time of treatment). When we got there, the Radiation Oncology Dep't. was packed. Since the machine wasn't functioning in the morning, all the treatment schedules were moved. I think we waited 3 hours before mom was treated.

I wasn't really bored, because I always bring a thick book, anticipating the long wait. Or I'd play games on my cellphone, take pictures (discreetly, of course). Mom and I always chat with each other and with some of her "classmates" (patients at the radiation oncology dep't. call each other that, and whenever a patient's treatment ends, they call it graduation :p)

Oh my... I've digressed, haven't I? Heehee!

I shed tears this afternoon because one of the patients in the waiting room with us is a 3 year old boy, who has brain cancer. He was given only six months to live by his doctors, and his family is doing what they can to prolong his life. I cried for the injustice of it all. He's only 3 yrs old, very innocent and he's carrying a burden such as this?

He's a chubby kid and he kinda looks like one of the little boys in the Shaolin Kids movies. He has pink cheeks that makes you want to pinch him. Nakakagigil! Which makes me even more sad. Children don't deserve this sickness. I felt really bad for him and his family coz I know how hard it is.

One of the patients asked the little boy's parents about his condition and while they were relaying the story, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I had to turn away and discreetly wipe my tears away.

Before they came in the room, we were all laughing because one of the patients, whom we call Madame Auring (because she bears quite a resemblance to, and yes, she's better looking than the real Madame Auring), always makes funny comments. But when they were recounting their story, silence enveloped the room. You can feel how sad it all made us, knowing about what the little boy was going through.

When I hear stories like this, I can't help but ask the question, "Why does this have to happen?" God knows how many times I've questioned my faith because of this. And I know I'd surely get reminded when it's my time to knock at the Pearly Gates. I've always tried to the see the positive side of things, but there are days like this when I just don't see the reason people have to go though challenges such as this.

I still believe in miracles and I continue to hope that my mom will have one. Now I add this little boy to my miracle prayers, and I hope you will, too.

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