age is just a number

Sunday, January 30, 2005

By merely looking at my blog, one would think that a kid owns it. Aside from the Calvin & Hobbes montage above, there's a Spongebob Squarepants picture on the side (which is also my desktop picture :p), and there's a bumblebee beside my name after every blog entry. My blog belies my age. Hahaha! It doesn't look like a blog of a 28 year old.

I'm not really sure if that means I'm perpetually a kid at heart or if at the back of my mind I refuse to grow up. Hmm... could it be that I have the Peter Pan Syndrome? :p

I honestly don't feel like I'm 28. Some have even commented I don't look like I am 28 (hehehe... tenchu! :p). I still watch cartoons and laugh at how silly some of them are. I'd gladly play piko, patintero, habulan, or taguan, when there's a chance. When I'm flipping channels and Sesame Street is on cable, I still watch it. I even sing-along to the songs I still know by heart.

It's great learning new things, about myself and everything else. It's nice to smile and laugh at the most trivial and simplest of things. It feels good knowing there are things I've yet to discover.

At my age, I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm still trying to figure it all out. But I do know I am enjoying the ride.

i'm feeling so good :)

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm feeling so much better today as compared to the past few days. I don't even care that the post I did earlier was deleted and I have to do it all over again :p I can't stop myself from smiling even if I tried. :)

Mom and I were in Makati Medical Center this morning for her liver ultrasound. Mom decided to have her work-up tests in Makati Med because all her records are there. At least it would be easier to compare it from the previous ones.

An hour after we got there, the results came out. And I am happy to announce that the results were very favorable. Mom's liver was normal :D Thank God! One test done, two more to go.

We rescheduled mom's bone scan and chest xray for Tuesday next week, coz she still has a bit of cough. It might affect the outcome, so we thought it was best to do it another day. Hopefully, the results would also be favorable. :)

I couldn't sleep last night because I was worried. But even if I only had 3 hours of sleep, I feel better than I have the past few days. I can breathe better now, although there are still 2 tests to go. I'm praying for the best.

Mom is in high spirits today, on account of the good liver ultrasound result, and it makes me doubly. nah, triply (is this even a word? :p) ecstatic that she is. My mom is the pillar of strength - mentally and emotionally. If it were a person of lesser strength, that person would have broken down and given up years ago. That doesn't mean she doesn't get her hopes down, but those are rare for her. She's not one to mope. If I only have half of her strength, I'd be very contented.

Thank you again for including her in your prayers. My whole family and I are very grateful.

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I was doing my blog rounds and I came upon Tyn's entry. It was about a New York radio station's insensitive, racist skit about the South Asian Tsunami. I was disgusted that these people made fun of the devastating tragedy via the "Tsunami Song", which had offensive lyrics. It was cruel how they trivialized the loss of hundreds of thousands of people. How would they feel if we made fun of their personal tragedies? If people made a joke out of 9/11?

The radio station Hot 97 suspended the dj Miss Jones and 6 members of the crew indefinitely. I thought they got off lightly. I think they deserve to be fired.

You can read the news report here.

And if you are as disgusted as I am, you can sign the petition here.

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My sister was on tv Tuesday morning at Breakfast @ Studio 23. Hehehe... celebrity moment :D

Monday, January 24, 2005

I've been trying to make the jukebox work since Saturday. Unfortunately, I still can't get it to play. Di ko alam kung ano ang mali sa ginawa ko at ayaw niyang tumugtog. Baka gumana na naman ang pagka-techno-bobo ko. Hehehe! But I want to thank Franz for the jukebox codes and the tutorial via YM. :) Hopefully, I can get it to work this week.

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I've been debating with myself whether to write about some things going on around me. I've finally decided to write it down, if only for catharsis. It's hard keeping things inside and doubly hard to pretend I'm happy, when I'm worried out of my wits.

Mom's radiation therapy session ended almost 3 weeks ago and we were told to return after two weeks (which was last Friday), for Dr. Ramos to decide if mom will be given a booster. After the check-up, Dr. Ramos advised us to go to Dra. Gorospe, so she can evaluate what to do next.

We went to her clinic last Saturday and she advised mom to have a full lab work-out. like the one she had before undergoing chemo, and depending on the results, she'll decide what to do. I've scheduled mom to have her Bone Scan, Liver and Gall Bladder ultrasounds for Thursday, this week.

Whenever it's time for mom to get her lab work-out, I'm on pins and needles. I worry so much that I always toss and turn in bed, or I cry myself to sleep. I feel like I can't breathe properly until I see the results and it's favorable. These are also the days when I feel my faith faltering and I again ask the question, "Why does this have to happen?" I try to stay positive, but there's always this worry at the back of my mind. Hopefully, the results will all be good.

Please include my mom in your prayers.

My heartfelt thanks,

reality tv is my guilty pleasure

Thursday, January 20, 2005

For those who haven't seen the recent episode of The Amazing Race 6, please stop reading. :) Spoiler Alert!


Woohoo! Finally, Jonathan and Victoria are out of the Amazing Race 6. I've never hated a reality show contestant as much as I hated greasy-haired Jonathan. He's such an a**hole! He's verbally abusive, chauvinistic and overly narcissistic. I don't know why his wife puts up with it.

On the other hand, Jonathan's wife Victoria is like the poster child for the verbally abused. Honestly, sometimes I get more irritated at Victoria because she lets him do that to her. Tsk, tsk.

I'm so glad they've been eliminated. Now at least I can watch the show without wanting to wring someone's neck. :p

Hehehehe... affected na naman ako sa pinanood ko :p

march is concert month :D

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

It looks like I will be broke in March. Norah Jones and Jars of Clay are scheduled to have concerts here within days of each other. Jars of Clay on March 2, 2005 and Norah Jones on March 12, 2005 (exactly a year after the Incubus concert).

I wouldn't want to miss any of the two concerts, which I'm sure are going to be a blast. At the back of my mind though, I can't help but think if these concerts will push through. There has been quite a number of international artist's concerts which have been cancelled, just days before the concert date, because of "security concerns". I placed that in quotation marks because I think the security advisories are highly exaggerated.

I'll be optimistic: I believe the concerts will push through. :)

For the Norah Jones concert ticket information, visit the Ticketnet website, and for the Jars of Clay concert details, please look at my sideblog.

This bit of news about Norah Jones' concert almost made my eyes pop-out:

NORAH JONES EVENT ADVISORY
Please be advised that the P15,000 and P12,000 tickets have been allocated to the promoter of the event. This area is being packaged with the following:

Patron VVIP - Pre and Post Event, Meet & Greet with the Artist, Cocktails and Gift Packs

Patron VIP - Post Event, Acquiantance (no Meet & Greet), Cocktails

In this regard, all customers who wish to inquire or buy tickets for these areas will be directed to:

ALV EVENTS INTERNATIONAL, INC.
Room 901 Taipan Place, Emerald
Avenue, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
Telephone Number 6377015 to 16
Fax Number 6388737

Dang it! P15,000 for the Patron seat?!! Great. That means the P3,000 tickets shall be for the Lower Box seats. Araykopo! Nararamdaman ko nang sumasakit ang wallet ko.

My friend Mylin joked that she'll take care of the VVIP Patron tickets, if I pay for her plane ticket home. Nyahahaha! Ano ako, bale? Luging-lugi ako, nasa San Francisco sha eh.


quiz time

Monday, January 17, 2005

For lack of anything substantial to blog about, I shall post my recent quiz results :D



You Are 27 Years Old

27


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


Hahahaha! Galeng, so close to my real age. :p




Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence



You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks.

You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent.

An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer.

Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best.

You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.



What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

me
You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But you're sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can't seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing and speak out when you have more to say. Don't hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can't say to people, is through my writing. Maybe you should try it.

I am not shy. Kapal nga ng mukha ko eh. Hahaha!

Hi, I'm Jennie, and I'm a packrat

Thursday, January 13, 2005

I'm a certified pack-rat. I find it hard to dispose of things, but only if it has sentimental value to me. There are lots of things I should throw out, but I can't yet. Not until I'm good and ready to.

There's a cabinet in my room filled with sentimental junk (as well as some things that I'm too lazy to throw out, hehehe!). I keep old magazines, old notebooks (because I think I can use some of the info I've taken down - yeah, right :p ), diaries, my old song lyrics book. I think even my old barbie dolls are there. I have a metal box in the cabinet filled with concert tickets, HS calling cards, hilarious notes passed in class. And most importantly letters. I rarely open it, but I know there are stuff there that would make me smile when I'm feeling down.

Last night I was in my room and I saw the big, new journal I got at Powerbooks, and my felt-tip pens. I remembered the planner I had in HS, which looked like a scrap book. Every entry had drawings, stickers, and was written in different colors. I wanted to look at it coz I thought of doing the same thing with my new journal (hehehe... feeling HS uli :p). I looked for it in the cabinet.

I could smell the musty scent of old papers as soon as I opened the cabinet. I said to myself, "Grabe, ang dami kong kalat." and proceeded to look for the old planner. It was then that I remembered that I already disposed of it a year ago. Nanghinayang ako. But it was quickly replaced by excitement when I saw the box filled with recollection letters (Palanca letters) from first year HS to College. Yup, I'm that sentimental.

Letters from each year were bunched together, and I read every one of them. It was great to read and I alternated from being teary-eyed (coz it was sweet) and laughing like a hyena. I read how my friends and classmates saw me year after year and how I've changed over the years. Most of the letters said I was funny, cheerful, smart, friendly and how they envied my drawings. Naks, natuwa naman ako dun. :p But what got me were the things they think I should change.

I realized how much of a hothead and how mataray I was as a freshman high school student, coz most of the letters mentioned that as my weak point. Hehehe... There was even a letter written by a friend that said she was afraid when I got mad. Sheesh.. I didn't know my temper was that bad. Then I got to read the letter given by one of my best friends, Marvi, when we were seniors. She said, "Do you remember what I wrote when we had our recollection freshman year? I said you should check your temper because you get mad at the slightest things? Well. I'm glad to say that you've mellowed over the years. You're not quick tempered anymore." And that made me smile.

There were letters that said "Happy Reco, enjoy the day, reflect and change what you want to change, etc" from classmates I wasn't really close to (and I was surprised I got letters from them, to be honest :p). There were also reco letters that were long and very personal from friends who know me inside and out. I intend to keep every one of them, personal and impersonal, for as long as I can. :)

Inside the same box were letters from friends during my 15th & 16th summer vacations, mostly greeting me a happy birthday and telling me how they were spending their time away from school. It was so nice to read them and I missed getting old fashioned, handwritten snail mail from friends. Sure we still communicate through emails and SMS, but nothing compares to getting snail mail. It's more personal, even if all that's written are, "Hello, how are you, na? I'm fine and I hope you are, too."

When I finsihed reading all of the letters, it was already past 1 am. I completely forgot about writing in my new journal, but I have this silly grin on my face, and a head filled with wonderful memories. And that's what I like about being a packrat.

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My best friend and I planned to go to Miggy's wake last night, but we weren't able to go :(. Miggy was her friend since grade school, when they were in the annual grade 7 play, Ora et Labora. It was odd how we only realized we both knew him when he passed away.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Once again I've had proof that life is fleeting and we never really know how long we have in this world.

I was checking my friendster account yesterday and a message on my bulletin board caught my eye. It was a message for Lasallians and I thought at first that it was one of those survey type entries. I was shocked when I read the message. Dennis said one of our batchmates Miggy B. passed away the night before, due to kidney failure, as a complication of colon CA. I had to read it twice to make sure and I immediately sent Clare an sms because she was the one who informed me two nights ago that Miggy was at Makati Med.

It was quite a shock to learn that he had passed away coz it seemed so sudden. He's still young and I'm sure he wanted to and could accomplish a lot more.

He left behind a son and he and his girlfriend were planning to tie the knot this year. Yes, this is very sad news, but I think his family is in a way glad that he's gone coz his pain has ended and that he is now nestled in the arms of the Lord.

Rest in peace, Miggy.

halo-halo uli :p

Monday, January 10, 2005

I've been trying to come up with a new template all weekend long. I've saved some templates from Blogskins, and I'm excited to use them, but it's taking me a long time to fix it up. I've given up for now. Hehehe... I realized I have more important things to do than scratch my head in frustration because I can't fix the darn template. One of these days I'll resume working on a new template, but for now, I'll have to be contented with what I have. :) Maarte lang talaga ako. Heehee!

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I broke my favorite pair of shoes last week. I don't know if our shoe repairman could still fix it. I hope he can coz I really love those shoes. It makes me look taller and it forces me to walk properly. It's what I jokingly call my "killer shoes" coz it's so pointed, it could probably maim someone I'd kick, or if I step on them they'd have holes on their feet. Hehehe! Don't mess with a woman and her shoes, you're bound to get hurt.

I was at an ATM on E. Rodriguez, when my right heel got stuck between two pipes (why in heck are two pipes exposed there?!) , and I heard the heel break. It was a good thing no one was in line behind me, I would have been mortified if someone was in line. It was a classic mentos moment. Hahaha! I picked up the broken heel, and walked to the car with my right foot on tiptoes (para pantay ang lakad ko). Bwahahahaha! Parang tangerks.

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This bit of news saddened me: Yahoo! News - Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston Splitting Up

O diba? Affected ako. :p It was my sister who told me they just announced their break-up and I felt sad over the news because I thought they were perfect for each other. Sayang...

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I've had too much on my mind lately, that it sometimes feel like I'm going to burst. I've never told anyone what has been bothering me and sometimes I wish I can tell someone, but I feel like I don't want them to be burdened by it. It's really not a big secret. I just find it hard to express my deepest worries to someone because I don't like feeling vulnerable. I know it's not healthy to keep it all inside and maybe one day, I'd be able to.

People think that I'm strong and I'm happy all the time, but I'm really not. It's just a facade. Underneath the smiles and the laughter, the jokes and the singing, is the scared, vulnerable me.

Maybe writing about it is a start. :)


why?

Thursday, January 06, 2005

For the past few years, I've been in and out of hospitals accompanying mom for her treatments. I've seen people from all walks of life - rich, poor, tall, short, chubby, thin, healthy, sick, very sick, bratty, friendly, etc. You name it, I've seen them, conversed with them, smiled at them. But this afternoon was the first time I shed a tear.

I've been so used to the hospital environment that I can practically tell you how to get to one department to another at Makati Med, Medical City and recently. St. Luke's. I thought nothing will surprise me anymore. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Darrell, one or the radiologists called this morning to inform us that the Linear Accellerator was being fixed (again?!) and that they were going to inform later in the day if there's going to be a treatment session. By 10 am, the machine was fixed, so mom and I went to St. Luke's after lunch (so we'd arrive at her usual time of treatment). When we got there, the Radiation Oncology Dep't. was packed. Since the machine wasn't functioning in the morning, all the treatment schedules were moved. I think we waited 3 hours before mom was treated.

I wasn't really bored, because I always bring a thick book, anticipating the long wait. Or I'd play games on my cellphone, take pictures (discreetly, of course). Mom and I always chat with each other and with some of her "classmates" (patients at the radiation oncology dep't. call each other that, and whenever a patient's treatment ends, they call it graduation :p)

Oh my... I've digressed, haven't I? Heehee!

I shed tears this afternoon because one of the patients in the waiting room with us is a 3 year old boy, who has brain cancer. He was given only six months to live by his doctors, and his family is doing what they can to prolong his life. I cried for the injustice of it all. He's only 3 yrs old, very innocent and he's carrying a burden such as this?

He's a chubby kid and he kinda looks like one of the little boys in the Shaolin Kids movies. He has pink cheeks that makes you want to pinch him. Nakakagigil! Which makes me even more sad. Children don't deserve this sickness. I felt really bad for him and his family coz I know how hard it is.

One of the patients asked the little boy's parents about his condition and while they were relaying the story, I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I had to turn away and discreetly wipe my tears away.

Before they came in the room, we were all laughing because one of the patients, whom we call Madame Auring (because she bears quite a resemblance to, and yes, she's better looking than the real Madame Auring), always makes funny comments. But when they were recounting their story, silence enveloped the room. You can feel how sad it all made us, knowing about what the little boy was going through.

When I hear stories like this, I can't help but ask the question, "Why does this have to happen?" God knows how many times I've questioned my faith because of this. And I know I'd surely get reminded when it's my time to knock at the Pearly Gates. I've always tried to the see the positive side of things, but there are days like this when I just don't see the reason people have to go though challenges such as this.

I still believe in miracles and I continue to hope that my mom will have one. Now I add this little boy to my miracle prayers, and I hope you will, too.

what i do when stuck in traffic

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

jenniebebe2jenniebebe4
jenniebebe5jenniebebe3jenniebebe


I love camera phones. It brings out the camwhore in me. Wehehe! Just goes to show how much I love myself. :p

Blame the above photos on the traffic coz instead of ranting when we're stuck, I take pictures (of myself mostly. O, di ba? Ang pula ng cheeks, parang binugbog. - bwahahaha!)

O tama na ang pagtingin, baka masira mga mata ninyo. Heehee!

here's to the new year!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Year 2005 has arrived. New Year, new hopes and dreams.

During last night's New Year's celebration, I felt sad. It was ironic because I've been so excited about the New Year since I woke up, but thirty minutes before midnight, I was melancholic. It was weird, to say the least.

It felt like I was just going through the motions. We lit up fireworks and I was happy but after that sadness enveloped me. I don't know why and it kinda freaked me out so I stayed in my room after having Media Noche. I can't explain it until now.

Anyway, enough of that! A new year has begun and it's time to start anew. I am optimistic that it will be a better year for everyone, despite the psychic predictions of doom. I've never believed the psychic predictions every year, but I admit I read them. :p I have no idea which psychics are real or not, but I think it's very easy to make predictions. One can always say that a prominent person is gonna die this year - after all, death is inevitable. Or that there will be natural disasters - hello? di ba lagi namang meron? Besides, I believe that we make our own destinies. It doesn't matter what was predicted, we can always change it if it's bad. We have a choice to believe it and feel dread, or do something to avert it from happening.

I've never kept a new year's resolution. Ever. I always start one, but I've never followed through. Hehehe. I lose steam after a few weeks. :p But this year, I vow to be more optimistic. Nothing good will ever come out from being negative. Besides, I don't want to have premature wrinkles. Bwahahaha!

Yep, last night's sadness was a fluke. I woke up feeling so much better. After all, I had mom's paella to look forward to. Heehee!

Mom's cooking is one of the reasons I can't stick to a diet. I just love my mom's cooking. I can only hope that I've inherited her flair for cooking. :) My brother used to tell mom not to cook anymore, so we'd lose some needed poundage. Nyahaha!

Happy 2005!