hay nakoh...

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I haven't been feeling well the past few days. No, I'm not sick. I'm just depressed. Maybe depressed is not the right word. Disappointed. Or a bit sad, maybe. I think it's somewhere between sadness and depression.

I found out from two college friends recently that there was some sort of college barkada get together a couple of weeks ago, coz our friend flew in from D.C. I don't know what's worse, knowing that I wasn't informed of it or learning about it from another friend, who's in another country. Ugh! Yeah, Lori, I lied. When you asked me about it, I said I couldn't go, but I just said it coz I didn't want to let you know I was left out.

Friend A, who celebrated her birthday a few days ago sent me an email, thanking me for the greeting. On that same email, she asked me why I didn't show up for dinner again a couple of weeks ago. Uh, hello?! How can I show up when no one informed me? What irks me about it is since I got an email from A2 (friend from DC), that she was going on vacation, I was excited. Only to find out that she's already here, they had some get togethers, I wasn't there (obviously), and I found out all about it, 2 weeks after it happened. And I found out from a friend in the US. She knows about it and she's 11,000 miles away from us?! I'm in the same country, same city even, I'm a text, call or email away and I didn't know? There is something seriously wrong about that. And this isn't the first time it has happened. The last time friend A2 was here, I didn't know about it either. Yeah, I get the picture.

I texted friend D and I said I was hurt that no one told me, after all, she's the one I'm in constant communication with. She texted back after a day, apologized and said that it was "madalian lang". But the others were there, they obviously knew, so why wasn't I informed? I wouldn't still be disappointed and ranting about it, if I bought the explanation.

I don't know why things are like this now, we've always been good friends. Or so I thought. Have we drifted that far apart? Have I done something wrong? Whatever it is, I certainly think that I DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. Not to be conceited, but I know I am a good friend. Maybe we have grown apart... and that's the really sad part about it.

Damn it! I hate feeling this way. There's this song on the Broadway musical, Avenue Q, and I remembered it today because that was how I felt the past few days. The title of the song is, "It Sucks To Be Me". How fitting.

I know it's inappropriate to compare sets of friends, but stuff like this makes me feel grateful that I have friends like the ones I've had since grade school and high school. I think our friendship is much deeper than the ones I made in College. We've been through a lot together and we know each other inside out. And even though we have disagreements sometimes, we're still friends. We may not see each other as often as we used to and as often as we liked, but when we're together, that doesn't seem to matter. We pick up from where we left off. They're more than friends to me, they're like sisters, and I thank God for them.