take me out of the dark

Monday, September 27, 2004

There is one song in existence that always, and i mean, always, makes me cry whenever I hear it. The song is Take Me Out of the Dark by Gary Valenciano. It's not an exaggeration. It happens everytime.

I almost always sing along whenever I hear a song I like. And everytime I sing along to this song, at some point I would choke up and I'd just feel tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt weird the first time it happened. I even laughed and told myself, "Ack! Ang baduy mo, Jennie! Pa-emote-emote pa, ang arte."

It used to confuse me, but now I know why. Everything I ever wanted to say to my Maker, was there in that song. It was exactly how I felt. Upon that realization came a mix of emotions. Guilt. Gratitude. Understanding.

Mind you, I'm not a religous person, I don't even go to mass regularly. And even if I was educated at Catholic schools, I was never the religious type. There were Catholic edicts I disagreed with and there were times I questioned my faith. Ultimately, questioning my faith was a good thing, because I was able to get answers and find myself in the process.

I cannot claim to have a great relationship with The Lord and most of the time, I'm ashamed to say this, I remember Him only when I'm in trouble.

When mom was diagnosed with cancer, I questioned my faith even more. I haven't told this to anyone before. I ranted and raged and every night I'd cry myself to sleep. I asked, "if there was a God, why did He let something like this happen? Why mom?" I thought that there were vile people in the world, why not them?

Then one day I realized that I needed something to hold on to. I can't go on everyday feeling like this. I prayed like I've never prayed before. I told Him all my hurts, my fears, my indignation about the situation and I asked him to guide me. When I woke up the next day, I felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter and the pain I felt was gone.

I'm still not religious. I still don't go to mass regularly. But now there's a difference. Whenever I wake up, I am thankful for another day. My faith is stronger and I have a more optimistic view of life. I may not be religious, but now I can say that my relationship with The Lord is a hundred times better than before.

Take Me Out of the Dark
by Gary Valenciano

Just what is it in me?
Sometimes I just don't know
What keeps me in your love
Why you never let me go

And though you're in me now
I fall and hurt you still
My Lord, please show me how
To know just how you feel

You have forgiven me
Too many times, it seems
I feel I'm not what you might call
A worthy Christian after all
And though I love you so
Temptation find its way to me

Teach me to trust in you with all of my heart
To lean not on my own understanding
'Cause I just forget
You won't give me what I can't bear
Take me out of the dark, my Lord
I don't wanna be there
No, no, no more

You've never left my side
You gave your hand to me
to hold you, Oh Jesus,
I'm no longer in the cold

And yet, I leave you there
When I feel satisfied
I'd like to thank you everyday
Not only when I feel this way

I've never known a man who'd give his life
For sinners like me
And yet because he loves us so
He's promised us eternity
And we can have that promise and be His
If we have faith and just believe

Teach us to trust in you with all of our heart
To lean not on our own understanding
'Cause we just forget
You won't give us what we can't bear
Take us out of the dark, my Lord
'Coz we don't wanna be alone
Take us out of the dark, my Lord
we don't wanna be there
No, no, my Lord