ha?! last saturday of the month na ito? ang bilis ah!

Saturday, May 29, 2004

I didn't blog yesterday because bad trip ako. Self pity mode kung baga. Kainis! That's the feeling I hate the most. Fortunately, I don't have it often.

I guess because I was keeping everything inside me, it became too much that I just burst. Someone said something to me, and I felt hurt. I tried to brush it off but I just felt the tears streaming down my face. I hated that I cried and mom saw me. Instead of me comforting her coz she was in pain, she comforted me. Lalo ako naiyak nun. Mababaw lang naman kasi ako eh. Tanoungin mo lang ako how my day went, or kahit tanumgin mo lang kung ok lang ako, masaya na ako nun. Or kung kaya ko pa ba? Kaso wala eh. Siguro sensitive lang ako mashado. kaya ayun, drama mode na naman ako.

Hay kainis. I wish I could blog about something happy that happened to me for a change.

RT event last night - Ripe Tomatoes at Eastwood. I was so looking forward to going. 24 of the best Pinoy Bands in one concert, a chance to see friends, free beer and ice cream (hahaha! gandang combination. :p), who wouldn't wanna go di ba? Everything was set. I was gonna meet up with friends (hindi pwede brother ko coz he had classes the next day, si chie di din pwede), and we were gonna have a blast. But the day came, I was all set, I even talked to my friends where and what time we would meet and I didn't have the heart to go. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't. Di ko kaya na mom was in pain, tapos ako nagsasaya.

Mom didn't mind that I was going out. Sabi nga nya, I need to have fun naman. Pero di ko talaga kaya. I wanted to go but my heart wasn't in it. Di naman ako pa-martir effect. Di ko lang talaga kaya na gumimik knowing na si mommy may nararamdaman. Di ko kayang i-block out yun from my mind, even for a few hours.

Even if she doesn't tell me that it hurts, I know she's in pain. I guess I've developed some sort of a sixth sense when it comes to how mom feels.

Good thing the event was broadcast live on the radio. My friends texted and called, so I felt that I was there na din. Well, ok, listening to the event doesn't compare to actually being there, but it was good enough for me. :) But when the band Sandwich performed, dun ako nainggit. Haha! I wished I was there. Sooper Galeng! Haay.. never mind. There will be more events like this in the future. :)

♥ JeN

Have you ever...
Saturday, May 29, 2004

1. Kissed or been kissed? yes to both. heehee! ;)
2. Dyed your hair an outrageous colour? nope. mahogany isn't outrageous :p i don't have the guts to dye my hair outrageously
3. Bungee-jumped? never have, never will
4. Fancied your best friend? girl ang best friend ko, di pwede. hahaha! but the guy I consider my best guy friend... yeah. shucks! longest crush ko yata yun, 6 years and counting. siguro pag sinabi nya na love nya ako, wala nang ligaw-ligaw. kami na agad. wahahahah!
5. Skipped school? oo naman! who hasn't? ;)

--from Daily Dirt